The Believe It or Not page contains excerpts from
various places on the net. Where I can remember the origin, these are attributed.
Where I can't, I'm sorry to the original authors -- please drop me a note and I'll
include the source. I'd also appreciate any contributions, so let me know of anything
you'd like included.
Folks this in no joke. On Friday the 24th I was watching the NASA channel on
cable TV to see how the experiments and crew were doing. The men onboard needed
to send instructions to the experiments in the cargo bay and were using a laptop
to do it. As some of you may have heard, there was a "computer problem"
onboard as reported by CNN. The exchange of information between the crew and the
Johnson Space Center (JSC) went like this:
Crew: I can't get a DOS prompt
JSC: Press C: enter
Crew: No response
Crew: I am not familiar with this, but I am with DOS
JSC: What screen are you looking at?
Crew: Program Manager, Accessories and other icons
JSC: Double click the negative sign in the upper right of the Window
Crew: That's the problem, it didn't load the mouse
JSC: Press Alt-Esc
Crew: Negative.
JSC: Stand by, we will replicate the problem down here
Crew: Roger
[There was a long pause.]
JSC: Double click the DOS icon
Crew: I don't have a mouse
JSC: Go to backup
Guess what operating system this was?
Green Bay, WI -- Police shot and killed a man today, in the parking
lot of a 7-11 store. Police say the irrational man, who was inflicting bodily harm
on himself, was threatening to kill himself. "We had no other choice but to
shoot," one officer said, "The man was clearly crazy, and was going to
hurt himself if we didn't stop him."
A US man had a garden, and his tomatoes were being chewed by a
rat. So the man bought a trap and caught the rat. He called the Humane Society to
come and pick up the rat. Between the time of his phone call and the Humane Society
arriving at his home, the rat started to escape out of the cage. Not wanting the
rat escaping in his house, especially since his two grandchildren were there, he
took a stick and hit it 4 or 5 times, trying to get it back in the cage. But the
rat was accidentally killed. The Humane Society arrived, found the rat dead, and
issued him 2 tickets for cruelty to animals!
He eventually went to court but fortunately the judge threw out the case. I wonder
how much money was spent trying to convict this vicious rat murderer!
George Carlin: Have you ever noticed... Anybody going
slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Ellen DeGeneris: You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started
walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where
the hell she is.
Rita Rudner: I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared
for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Sue Kolinsky: I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't.
So I grew hair under my arms instead.
Carol Leifer: I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no
pain.
Jackie Gleason: The second day of a diet is always easier than the
first. By the second day you're off it.
Jay Leno: I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like
some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries
with that?"
Roger Simon: The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they
would not be caught dead in otherwise.
Dave Edison: I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots
wore helmets.
George Gobel: If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television
by candlelight.
William Coronel: Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate
it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next
morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
Anon: PCs should have next to the "Intel Inside" sticker,
an additional label that says "Best if used by __________".
Oscar Wilde: Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Anon: The Lord's Prayer has 66 words. The Gettysburg Address has 286
words. There are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence. Government regulations
on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
Anon: Half of the people in the world are below average.
On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"
Charles Barkley: "Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back.
Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while", after blatantly elbowing
an Angolan basketball opponent in the Olympics.
During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National
Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write
in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.
After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at
a cost of about $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success
as a novelty item back here on Earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem,
used a pencil.
